It was 2009, the best year of my life. I joined my dream company and also became a father to an adorable son, Kumara Dutta. I hail from a small village in rural Andhra Pradesh, so watching my son grow and pick up English and Hindi in school gave me great joy. We had great plans for him.
At two years old, we noticed Kumara was losing weight, and found swollen lymph nodes behind his ears. Our world collapsed when the doctor diagnosed our little boy with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. And he suffered so much – the treatment and chemotherapy were so painful for a two-year-old, but we did it all in the hope that he will get better.
My wife was the stronger of the two of us at this time. With immense patience and love, she accompanied Kumara through all the tests and therapies, which I deliberately avoided, because I couldn’t bear it. It took two years, but he got better, and we immediately sent him back to school. He was his teachers’ favourite and was welcomed back warmly. We kept his condition a secret from his friends so that he doesn’t face any discriminatory behaviour.
But the pains were far from over. Kumara had to go back to cancer therapy again, much more intense than the first time around. It included surgery too. We sold our house and my wife sold off all her ornaments. We were solely dependent on my salary and special corporate aid.
He got better again and this time we enrolled him in a big school in the hope that he will not miss out on anything because of his illness. But this joy was short-lived. The cancer spread to his bone marrow and in January 2016, we lost our baby boy. Life came to a standstill for many months. Initially, we couldn’t cry for a few days, and then we couldn’t stop crying for months and years on end.
Life has been tough, though I can at least say that we never gave up on Kumara even for a moment. But sometimes, watching what the treatment was doing to my son, I wondered if it was even worth it. Nothing is more painful than watching someone come to the end of their life because of cancer.
After years of grappling with the grief, we finally decided to have children again a couple of years ago. Our twin boys are a blessing for us, and we’ve named one of them after my first-born, Kumara.
I hope our story gives courage to those facing terrifying challenges in their lives. Life goes on.
*Name changed